Huntington Manor

May 292012
 

Note: At the time this series of articles was written, my wife Beth was still with us. She died October 11, 2012.

Beth having lunch during our first week at Huntington Manor

Beth having lunch on the deck outside our room during our first week at Huntington Manor

As my weakness from Inclusion Body Myositis became more debilitating and Beth’s vision and cognitive issues worsened, we faced the big question – should we move to assisted living?

There were several aspects to this decision. Perhaps the most easy to evaluate was the financial. Perhaps the most difficult was the emotional.
And then there were family issues, especially children who were tired of worrying about us.

Being the analytical type, I prepared numerous spreadsheets trying to decide whether the move to an assisted living facility made financial sense. I discovered that, to obtain adequate care within our home, we would need to spend about as much as it would cost to get assisted living outside the home. However, there were so many other emotional issues involved that no amount of tweaking the numbers on the spreadsheet seemed to fully resolve the issue in either of our minds.

View from our home in Rancho Bernardo

We had promised ourselves to spend the rest of our years in our Rancho Bernardo home.

We had spent a lot of money on, and had a significant emotional attachment to, the changes we made to our existing home. It was single-story, easy to get around for us in wheelchairs, and had a very nice view out the living room window. We each had our individual art studios on either side of the spacious family room. We would have to say goodbye to all of that. In addition we would be downsizing dramatically from about 1600 ft.² to a little over 500 ft.²

Then there was the concern about our independence. Would we feel as though we were unable to live our own lives if we moved into a facility that had its own schedule and structure?

Eventually, the more I worked on the financial side of it, the more I realized that moving to some form of facility was going to become inevitable. If we remained where we were and continued to spend considerably more money than we had coming in, we would eventually reach the point where we had exhausted our savings and then what? We could sell the home, but then we would hardly have enough resources to maintain us in any other location for more than a few years. On the other hand if we moved and spent down our savings, we could retain our home and rent it, which would provide additional income during that time. Then, when the savings was depleted, we could sell the home and continue to live in the assisted living facility for several more years.

So, ultimately, the practical considerations and family concerns outweighed the emotional worries. How is it working out? Better than we expected. In the next article we will get into the details of how we chose Huntington Manor to be our home – conceivably for the rest of our lives.

Index for this series of articles about assisted living.

Introductory article plus updates.

Is it time for assisted living?

Making the decision to move to assisted living, emotionally, practically and financially.

How we chose the facility we did.

Deciding what to take, what to leave, how to adjust our expectations.

What life in assisted living has been like.

How can we make assisted living better for the physically disabled?

May 152012
 

Note: At the time this series of articles was written, my wife Beth was still with us. She died October 11, 2012.

Mike and Beth touring the English Garden at Huntington Manor Assisted Living.

Mike and Beth touring the English Garden at Huntington Manor Assisted Living.

We are moving to Huntington Manor, an assisted living facility about 5 miles from the single-family home where we have been living for the past six years. This may come as a shock to many who know us and know how fervently I have been clinging to my independence. It comes as an even greater shock to us. However it is not a move that has been made casually. It is the culmination of many months of questioning, analyzing, arguing and soul-searching. The best way to picture what we have been going through is to pretend you are passengers on the Titanic. You’ve been enjoying a spacious stateroom and fine cuisine. Then the iceberg announces itself. You can choose to remain in your comfortable stateroom and hope for the best, or you can fight through the crowds and climb into a lifeboat, with no idea how you will survive that experience. But you know the freezing waters of the North Atlantic are waiting if you make the wrong choice.

For us, that time arrived when we could no longer say that we were each others’ caregivers.

I have been in a wheelchair for 12 years and my wife has been in hers for six. But we have always managed to find a way to be just enough help to one another to get by on our own. Several months ago I began losing what little strength I had in my hands and arms, causing me to stop driving, stop cooking, and start thinking about what to do next.

I am technically classified as “non-ambulatory” and in my case that is an understatement. I cannot walk, I cannot stand, raise my head, or rise to a sitting position without the help of my electric bed. Most assisted living facilities can’t accept a non ambulatory resident. Maybe we should just stay put.

Then at Christmas my wife began having symptoms of a cognitive issue. Whatever is going wrong inside her brain causes her to be very anxious and confused, especially at night. She will get up at two in the morning thinking it is time for her to leave for an appointment. Picture my helplessness lying in bed knowing that I can’t get out before attaching my ceiling lift sling and using it to get into my wheelchair, a process that would take at least half an hour. That is when I realized that it was no longer safe for us to be alone. The waters were rising.

Huntington Manor is an Assisted Living facility in Poway, California

Huntington Manor is an Assisted Living facility in Poway, California

So, back to the search for assisted living. Fortunately we discovered a facility that had been off the radar the first time I looked. It is Huntington Manor, a charming old ranch home that has been converted into a modern assisted living facility with a special emphasis on meeting the needs of the frail elderly. We are neither frail nor elderly but the services they offer are exactly what we need. Best of all, because of their emphasis on an older population, many of their rooms are certified to handle non-ambulatory and bedridden patients – like us.

The owner was very sympathetic to our situation and offered to make some modifications on a new wing of his building to make the transition for us less painful. The most significant change was to give us two rooms at the end of the hall, remove the doors while adding a wall and door in the hall. This lets us be together and also gives us some much needed extra storage space.

Index for this series of articles about assisted living.

Introductory article plus updates.

Is it time for assisted living?

Making the decision to move to assisted living, emotionally, practically and financially.

How we chose the facility we did.

Deciding what to take, what to leave, how to adjust our expectations.

What life in assisted living has been like.

How can we make assisted living better for the physically disabled?